"I told these girls I have coke. I don't really have coke." [Bill bringing home a bachelorette party]
"YOU SHIT IN MY WELL" [to his group of friends who inadvertently cock blocked him at a house party they weren't invited to]
"Hey guys, what's real?" [as in "what's good, what's going on?"]
"I wanted to fuck this girl who's into politics, so I googled Ron Paul before our date. I got laid."
[Looking at phone] "Who the fuck is Don T. Pickup?"
"Are you gonna fuck me or what, because if not, I'm going back to the bar to hang out with my friends."
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